I’m Exhausted.

So, today I pushed myself to not push myself! That is in yesterday’s blog post I committed to NO TRAINING. Which is hard for me as it’s one of my addictions. And one of my reasons for burning out. How did it go? Well, I’m still EXHASUTED, let’s just say that.

You see for us addicted people, we tend to have a void in our lives that we fill with different ‘kick’ and stimuli. At least that’s one theory. But if we flip it around and I ask you this – if you want to get rid of a bad habit, don’t you often just replace it with something else? If you’re trying to quit snacking some trigger food, you quickly found something else that soon end up being just as much of a trigger food. Or if you want to stop going out drinking because it’s unhealthy, you likely end up eating some pretty unhealthy food. Sure it’s better, and I guess that’s moving in the right direction – incrementally changing one bad behavior for a slightly better one.

Still, I can’t but feel that we’re just taking a ‘headache’ pill to damper the issue that’s concerning us, while not really fixing the problem. No news-breaking reflection here perhaps, but looking at today’s result after my commitment to not working out today, I really don’t know If I’ve failed or not even though the outlined ‘challenge’ was objectively successful. I DIDN’T WORK OUT.

BUT, I also only had eaten 400 kcal when I got home at five o clock in the afternoon and had walked 13 km, to compensate for the lack of training. AND, since I didn’t visit the gym in the morning, I had time to “test” and see how it would be to work a 5 hour day since that soon is going to be my reality. All that being said, I’ve felt worse today than I’ve probably done for the entire week. Yet, I did my challenge which was put out for the overall goal to NOT feel exhausted and shitty at the end of the day. A bit ironic isn’t. Still, insightful. And I’m glad that I’m sitter here, being mindful and reflective upon my actions, and being acceptant over the result. Because honestly, I did fail.

I just swapped one destructive behavior for another equally destructive one. And I accept that. It is what it is, and it is done. It has happened. And it’s okay because it was a fuc*ing great effort to break a 30-day workout streak, and I can now be a bit more mindful the next time a situation alike pops up. And it’s easier for me to stay off the training moving forward(?)! Action builds momentum!

Honestly, don’t know if that brought any value, perhaps if you are a like-minded fella that can relate. Because one thing I learned after attending a group counseling session for a couple of months, is that just knowing that you’re not the only one struggling with a relatable issue, can be plenty enough some times.

Have a great evning my freinds,

/ALEXANDER

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