You have no idea how tired I am right now. Working 2,5 hours (10 hours a week as an engineer I what I currently can handle), visiting the doctor to have a mold removed while also discussing my burnout-status. Scrambled eggs – that’s what’s up there, and I really don’t feel like putting together a blog post at the moment. Sorry to be failing you (me) already! Or wait, I’m not.. because I couldn’t – I promised myself to do a daily post, so that kind of leaves me with no other choice than to push on!
Fu*k no. This is what got me into this burnout mess in the first place. My incredible work ethic and never being able to back down because ‘I said so’ or made a commitment to someone or myself. The ironic thing is how I’ve worked so hard to reach this state, and in fact, is something I’m really proud over too. I do what’s hard, because it’s the right thing to do. Yet, it’s now almost killing me.
In fact, going against my little voice telling – me to push on – is one of the biggest obstacles I need to overcome! Because it’s making me take destructive actions on a daily basis. Even after my collapse when it’s screaming in my face not to. This is however easier said than done, to change a behavior deeply grounded in our values & believes. I firmly have adopted – cemented to the ground – killer work ethic as a core way to live. Which in practicality makes it a decision-making filter. And when I go against it, I’m failing myself as a human being. I’m unfaithful in a way the perfect husband would be if he nailed the hot chick at work just because he was bored at the lunch break and not even drunk!
Our values, often adopted through our parents when growing up, is a key component to understand if you are to fix this little burnout-problem of ours. You see, even if a too high work ethic isn’t the issue for you, you have some kind of destructive behaviors that one way or another can be derived from your values & beliefs. So if we want to fix our lives, we need to get down to do some dirty introspection and seek understanding and clarity in what our repetitive destructive actions really are based on. Or well, you can take the quick path and just stop doing them. But that’s just, really hard. Believe me, I’ve tried.
So, I’ve just started going down this rabbit hole, but I promise to share more when I know more. For one, tomorrow I’m going to have an interesting sit down with my psychiatrist and look over a 300-big questionnaire I got to fill out about my childhood and how I am today. I’m bringing popcorn!
However, I’d hate to leave you empty-handed. So if you want a good toe-dipping down the value pond, I’d strongly recommend you to start reading Mark Manson’s book The subtle art of not giving a fu*k. Great read, and it will open your eyes to how important this whole area is. Also I just realized he has a free ebook on values, haven’t had time to check it out, so if you do, please let me know what you thought of it!
WISH YOU AN AMAZINGLY AWESOME AND BEAUTFUL DAY MY MESSED UP FRIENDS!